Good afternoon, friend...how is your Tuesday so far? I thought mine would be harder than it's been; here's a praise the Lord #1. :-) Praise the Lord #2 is we've been able to turn the AC off today because there's a cool breeze--and I stop to thank Him for it, cause we don't ever get this at this time in the year--and I know of lots of people that would be thankful for it too! New Mexico? I'll say a prayer that He'll send you some, and some rain mixed in there too!
Praise the Lord #3, that I have a job. Even though I've got cabin fever from being in this office since 8 this morning, and a headache from staring at a computer and talking on the phone, I'm glad I have a paycheck. That's more than alot of people have to say right now--so I thank the Lord for this!
The awesome Word of God...praise the Lord #4. On January 31st of this year, I looked into a Bible Quest on HeartThoughts Retreat that started the very next day (Feb 1st). It was a quest to read the entire Bible, from Genesis to Revelation, in 90 days. It sounded really hard, especially since I'd never read the whole Bible, not even in a year's time let alone my lifetime. But it intrigued me, and I knew my friend Anna was planning to do it too--however, I had twenty-four hours to decide whether or not I'd commit to it with a handful of other young women. It would mean devoting 45 min/hour a day for approximately 16 chapters of the Bible everyday--weekends too. There was only a two day grace period in the whole three months for getting behind or skipping a day. I decided that I would do it, and even though I knew doing this would be important for me at that time, I prayed to be consistent. Very little did I know how thankful I would be that I did! December 2007 marks a time in my life I pray to never relive, and thinking about it still brings the pangs too near. However, I look back and see the grace of my Father ever with me, even if I didn't feel it as near then. But January was basically healing ground from December, and the Bible Quest came perfect timing. Everyday, I looked forward to that hour spent in the Word, and was able to find strength and healing and rest by so many truths, the faithfulness, the heart-and-soul, and the Voice of God. And all at such a crucial time that I needed to hear and know them.
Anna and I knew before we even finished that we'd like to do it again. Only this time, condensing from 16 chapters to 10, so that our busy moms could join in with us and have a better chance at getting through. :-) Our brothers (and my sister) decided to do it too, along with my Jen! It helps so much to do it with someone, to discuss and be accountable to stay caught up--but mostly to share the things the Lord has shown us throughout. We're only on Day 2, and at Genesis 20, so anyone is still welcome to join us if they'd like! It's very unorthodox, and there isn't a schedule...just ten chapters a day, depending on the schedule, and catching up whenever we can. :-)
David prayed, when his soul was yearning for the nearness of the Lord again:
"As the deer pants for the streams of water, so my soul pants for You, O God...why are you so downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him..." (Psalm 42) And again, "O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you...in a dry and weary land..." (Psalm 63)
But in both places, His soul is satisfied in praising the Lord. Abigail told me once that a simple "Thank you, Father" makes a difference. He inhabits the praises of His people--therefore we bring Him into our midst, into our dry and downcast soul, and we're satisfied when we praise Him. Why? To finish Psalm 63: "Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands [and] my soul will be satisfied..."
Be encouraged as you praise Him, beloved of God! His Love is sooo much better, so much greater, than life itself--for this, we praise Him.
Happy rest of your Tuesday...
Jen
Showing posts with label His Love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label His Love. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Friday, April 18, 2008
After the earthquake, she dons her painting palette...
Paint this picture with me:
NAHUM 1:3-8
"His way is in the whirlwind and the storm,
And clouds are the dust of his feet.
He rebukes the sea and dries it up;
He makes all the rivers run dry.
Bashan and Carmel wither
And the blossoms of Lebannon fade.
The mountains quake before him and the hills melt away.
The earth trembles at his presence,
The world and all who live in it.
Who can withstand his indignation?
Who can endure his fierce anger?
His wrath is poured out like fire; the rocks are shattered before him..."
Then it goes on to say...
"...the Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble.
He cares for those tho trust in Him..."
At 4:00 this morning, I painted this picture:
A Prince of power--in his hand is a silver sword, and in his hands it is strong and capable of terrors. Any ememy is dashed to the ground, and anything could be smitten by the snap of his fingers. In his shadow, I am weak and uncapable. I have no control over my own life, or death.
But this Prince loves me...and because of that love, I am safe in the presence of his sword. Because of love, I am not threatened, but protected by that sword. And the terrors of it never even cross my mind.
We were waken up by a 5.2 earthquake somewhere between 3:00-4:00 last night. I've never felt one before, and for my first one it was quite an experience. The house just quaked, the earth roared, and I was just waiting for things to fall off the shelves and walls. I have to say in my sleepy stupor, my very first thought was to look out the window for the sky splitting and the sound of trumpets! But they never came...but neither did quaking fear. I was surprised! We got the kids back to bed and laid down for a couple more hours of sleep, and small aftermath tremors. Though sleep didn't come easy for any of us! :-) I laid there and was thinking about that above "picture", and what Nahum shared (I read this just last week!). The earth trembles, melts, moves, simply in it's Creator's presence. Believe me, when you're laying in bed and the very earth beneath your feet begins to quake...you have NO CONTROL. You're cast upon the mercy of the Creator.
But you know, the earthquake is one of many elements that make up His sword, His footstool. And if a worldly Prince of power (meaning combat ability!) can love his lady with a love that uses what could crush her to protect her...isn't God Almighty, the epitome of LOVE, not greater than he? And even should I be slain by an earthquake, can I cast myself into the trust of that love? A thrilling description of pure, undefiled faith!
I'm enthralled, my friend. Just entralled by the display of His power. I just experienced another tremor, amazingly---I wish I could box this feeling and give it to you!
Just thought I'd take a moment and share the news of So. IL! And the things the Lord has brought to mind, and heart, through it. :-) May you feel the power of the God you serve, beloved, and the love that loves you with that power.
NAHUM 1:3-8
"His way is in the whirlwind and the storm,
And clouds are the dust of his feet.
He rebukes the sea and dries it up;
He makes all the rivers run dry.
Bashan and Carmel wither
And the blossoms of Lebannon fade.
The mountains quake before him and the hills melt away.
The earth trembles at his presence,
The world and all who live in it.
Who can withstand his indignation?
Who can endure his fierce anger?
His wrath is poured out like fire; the rocks are shattered before him..."
Then it goes on to say...
"...the Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble.
He cares for those tho trust in Him..."
At 4:00 this morning, I painted this picture:
A Prince of power--in his hand is a silver sword, and in his hands it is strong and capable of terrors. Any ememy is dashed to the ground, and anything could be smitten by the snap of his fingers. In his shadow, I am weak and uncapable. I have no control over my own life, or death.
But this Prince loves me...and because of that love, I am safe in the presence of his sword. Because of love, I am not threatened, but protected by that sword. And the terrors of it never even cross my mind.
We were waken up by a 5.2 earthquake somewhere between 3:00-4:00 last night. I've never felt one before, and for my first one it was quite an experience. The house just quaked, the earth roared, and I was just waiting for things to fall off the shelves and walls. I have to say in my sleepy stupor, my very first thought was to look out the window for the sky splitting and the sound of trumpets! But they never came...but neither did quaking fear. I was surprised! We got the kids back to bed and laid down for a couple more hours of sleep, and small aftermath tremors. Though sleep didn't come easy for any of us! :-) I laid there and was thinking about that above "picture", and what Nahum shared (I read this just last week!). The earth trembles, melts, moves, simply in it's Creator's presence. Believe me, when you're laying in bed and the very earth beneath your feet begins to quake...you have NO CONTROL. You're cast upon the mercy of the Creator.
But you know, the earthquake is one of many elements that make up His sword, His footstool. And if a worldly Prince of power (meaning combat ability!) can love his lady with a love that uses what could crush her to protect her...isn't God Almighty, the epitome of LOVE, not greater than he? And even should I be slain by an earthquake, can I cast myself into the trust of that love? A thrilling description of pure, undefiled faith!
I'm enthralled, my friend. Just entralled by the display of His power. I just experienced another tremor, amazingly---I wish I could box this feeling and give it to you!
Just thought I'd take a moment and share the news of So. IL! And the things the Lord has brought to mind, and heart, through it. :-) May you feel the power of the God you serve, beloved, and the love that loves you with that power.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
He Absorbs Me Patiently...
Suggestion Before Reading: Scroll down to playlist and click "Your Love is Extravagant". :-)
I woke up at a quarter 'til 6, before the rays of sunlight peaked over the neighbor's trees to the east. To be honest, the norm for me has been to simply lay there. Awake. But with no zeal whatsoever to get up until I absolutely have to. No gumption to rise to pray, begin the day in His Word (His voice, His breathing life), seek solitude. But this morning I put my feet to the floor, with a desperate searching to fill this emptiness that the past week has permiated of.
There's a different stillness in the early morning that demands reflection. It demands contemplation. When I went out this morning, the sun was orange against the blue/gray sky, and not quite warm enough to knock the chill out of the air. But it was clear and cool, and immersed in a stillness that cannot be found anywhere but in the early morning...and in His Presence.
I'm tired of passing excuse of my emptiness, present affliction, daily battles on anything other than myself. Of course, I leave room for reasons for battles I cannot understand...but sometimes it just comes down to my veering eyes. Veering and wandering eyes do not mean that I bow and scrape to an idol of gold, nor offer myself up for worldy practices. It means I've lost focus on what is precious to me, and Who I'm precious to. Therefore I stumble, and then cry out the "whys" of why I'm in this spiritual/emotional mess.
He absorbs me patiently.
He is strong enough to bear my "whys", and so wonderful enough to hold me through them.
Oh my God...this Love. How can it be?
Your fragrance is intoxicating in this secret place, and I forget why I veer.
Spread wide in the Arms of Christ, is a Love that covers sin.
He's captured my heart again. Something He's good at when we bring our eyes into focus.
I become aware of my bitter affliciton,
I become intricately aware and subject to it,
And my soul is broken within me.
Yet this I demand myself to remember,
And it brings me hope:
Because I am loved by the Almighty God, I am not consumed in this,
Because His compassions and love are patient.
Every morning, they are renewed for me...
Great, oh great, is His faithfulness!
I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion (He is enough for me),
Therefore I wait for Him."
---Lamentations 3:19-41, in my own words
I woke up at a quarter 'til 6, before the rays of sunlight peaked over the neighbor's trees to the east. To be honest, the norm for me has been to simply lay there. Awake. But with no zeal whatsoever to get up until I absolutely have to. No gumption to rise to pray, begin the day in His Word (His voice, His breathing life), seek solitude. But this morning I put my feet to the floor, with a desperate searching to fill this emptiness that the past week has permiated of.
There's a different stillness in the early morning that demands reflection. It demands contemplation. When I went out this morning, the sun was orange against the blue/gray sky, and not quite warm enough to knock the chill out of the air. But it was clear and cool, and immersed in a stillness that cannot be found anywhere but in the early morning...and in His Presence.
I'm tired of passing excuse of my emptiness, present affliction, daily battles on anything other than myself. Of course, I leave room for reasons for battles I cannot understand...but sometimes it just comes down to my veering eyes. Veering and wandering eyes do not mean that I bow and scrape to an idol of gold, nor offer myself up for worldy practices. It means I've lost focus on what is precious to me, and Who I'm precious to. Therefore I stumble, and then cry out the "whys" of why I'm in this spiritual/emotional mess.
He absorbs me patiently.
He is strong enough to bear my "whys", and so wonderful enough to hold me through them.
Oh my God...this Love. How can it be?
Your fragrance is intoxicating in this secret place, and I forget why I veer.
Spread wide in the Arms of Christ, is a Love that covers sin.
He's captured my heart again. Something He's good at when we bring our eyes into focus.
I become aware of my bitter affliciton,
I become intricately aware and subject to it,
And my soul is broken within me.
Yet this I demand myself to remember,
And it brings me hope:
Because I am loved by the Almighty God, I am not consumed in this,
Because His compassions and love are patient.
Every morning, they are renewed for me...
Great, oh great, is His faithfulness!
I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion (He is enough for me),
Therefore I wait for Him."
---Lamentations 3:19-41, in my own words
Friday, April 4, 2008
"So happy to love...
...yet so far to go.
Lead me on to where I've never been before." --Jars of Clay
(If you haven't heard the song "Much-Afraid", inspired by Hinds' Feet on High Places, you should get in the quiet and just be rocked in that sweet love)
My thoughts from my week of devotion...
These are just things that came to mind depending on what happened during that day, how I felt, what I read, etc. I'll admit, this and posting were the only things I was faithful at all seven days! My quilt blocks got put back on the shelf, I didn't do anything for anyone out of the ordinary responsibilites, and I didn't read anything outside my Bible Quest. *sigh* We shall try again, perhaps. :-)
Monday--
Time is a gift to me. Does too much of it get unworthily spent as it flies by? Does the dilligence that I do or do not fill it with prove how "important" things are to me?
Tuesday--
Weariness brings me back to You.
Wednesday--
"When the darkness closes in, still I'm gonna say blessed be Your name." --Matt Redmond
Thursday--
In the beauty and simplicity of a budding lily, I see He is bigger than everything I see. His ways, His workings, His plan--all a bigger scheme than I can see. All I have left to do, is trust.
Friday--
I love Him. This being all I know is all I WANT to know. 1 Peter 1:8
Saturday--
He who does not work does not eat. :-) So I purposefully press on to the world of Sears & Roebuck for a mere five hours.
Sunday--
The significance of another LIFE. Your life in mine. The words you say to me, the things you do with/for me, etc. Today I was blessed by other lives--my Pastor's heartfelt message, my Uncle's giving of himself through music and real fellowship, the silent reassurance of friendship in my cousin's arm, and the joy of being loved by other lives.
Rather scattered and random, but these things blessed me during that haaarrdd week. This week didn't prove to be much different--but I had a greater and surer assurance of His being with me...and that fills me with hope, dear one. "Sweet Jesus, you never ever let me go"...that song is on my playlist, I pray it blesses you as much as it does me.
I've been somewhat a recluse this week, and I'm sorry! I will probably continue to be except in the mornings after I'm done with work in the office. I'm trying to get this next issue of Cameratismo collaborated together---and this article has sent me soul-searching into the closets...literally and very spiritually. Pray for me, please. :-)
So until this baby (what it is to me when it's all done!) is printed, folded, stapled and posted--thou shalt hear from me via phone, e-mail or cloud messaging...should any of you have an airplane. ::hug::
With happy love,
Jen
Lead me on to where I've never been before." --Jars of Clay
(If you haven't heard the song "Much-Afraid", inspired by Hinds' Feet on High Places, you should get in the quiet and just be rocked in that sweet love)
My thoughts from my week of devotion...
These are just things that came to mind depending on what happened during that day, how I felt, what I read, etc. I'll admit, this and posting were the only things I was faithful at all seven days! My quilt blocks got put back on the shelf, I didn't do anything for anyone out of the ordinary responsibilites, and I didn't read anything outside my Bible Quest. *sigh* We shall try again, perhaps. :-)
Monday--
Time is a gift to me. Does too much of it get unworthily spent as it flies by? Does the dilligence that I do or do not fill it with prove how "important" things are to me?
Tuesday--
Weariness brings me back to You.
Wednesday--
"When the darkness closes in, still I'm gonna say blessed be Your name." --Matt Redmond
Thursday--
In the beauty and simplicity of a budding lily, I see He is bigger than everything I see. His ways, His workings, His plan--all a bigger scheme than I can see. All I have left to do, is trust.
Friday--
I love Him. This being all I know is all I WANT to know. 1 Peter 1:8
Saturday--
He who does not work does not eat. :-) So I purposefully press on to the world of Sears & Roebuck for a mere five hours.
Sunday--
The significance of another LIFE. Your life in mine. The words you say to me, the things you do with/for me, etc. Today I was blessed by other lives--my Pastor's heartfelt message, my Uncle's giving of himself through music and real fellowship, the silent reassurance of friendship in my cousin's arm, and the joy of being loved by other lives.
Rather scattered and random, but these things blessed me during that haaarrdd week. This week didn't prove to be much different--but I had a greater and surer assurance of His being with me...and that fills me with hope, dear one. "Sweet Jesus, you never ever let me go"...that song is on my playlist, I pray it blesses you as much as it does me.
I've been somewhat a recluse this week, and I'm sorry! I will probably continue to be except in the mornings after I'm done with work in the office. I'm trying to get this next issue of Cameratismo collaborated together---and this article has sent me soul-searching into the closets...literally and very spiritually. Pray for me, please. :-)
So until this baby (what it is to me when it's all done!) is printed, folded, stapled and posted--thou shalt hear from me via phone, e-mail or cloud messaging...should any of you have an airplane. ::hug::
With happy love,
Jen
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Day Seven
I'd like to go into detail about what this week has meant to me, but it's really late now, and my brain isn't functioning properly. Conveniantly, the camera batteries are dead and aren't yielding a single photo to top off this interesting week. So I searched the deep archives and found this Portrait Study 9 I made for my mom back in January. :-)
We had a very good Sunday. Very Good.
There was a seeking, and a finding. :-) Praise God, nothing is too difficult for Him.
He is Trustworthy. He is Sure. He is Faithful and True.
He is God, and I am not.
All this said in the same breath of a broken heart. But I will still praise Him--it doesn't matter the circumstances choking us, "give thanks...His love endures forever." Think on this with me, will you, dear friend? His love. Endures. How long?
Think on it as you lay your head down. Think on it as you go about your day. Think about it as you do the dishes. As you fight the monotony of life. The agony of waiting. Simple brokenness. The darkness of "clear direction". And the depths of sorrow...think on this pure, lovely, good, and true thing: His love for you, and for me, endures forever.
I shall post my seven thoughts, and the highlights of the week in detail...tomorrow. Be blessed my friend--not by His gifts, not by His power, and not by what He can do for you--by He, Himself.
::hug::
Jen
Friday, January 18, 2008
There's just some things you do regardless of what contradicts them...
So how are you, dear friend? Things have been crazy here at the homeplace, but good. After the rush of the Christmas season at work, I've been enjoying over three weeks of just being home. It's gone by so fast, but the time has been so goooood for me. And I can't even name anything specific that I've done. Clean. Cook. Ride my Horse (only once did I brave the weather for it). Clean. Read a little, wrote a little. :-) I've missed doing these things very much, and found a simple joy in them I haven't known in awhile.
I did add a new member to the barnyard, imagine that. However she inhabits the house, imagine that.
So I have always wanted a parrot. Ever since I met one that belonged to a friend of ours, and ever since that sweet thing (mind you, he took to none of the strangers, save for me) plucked a green feather from his supply and placed it on my shoulder, I've been sold to wanting one. I still have that green feather in my jewelry box, by the way. :-) However, the fact that our friends had to finance the bird has somewhat kept me from seeking one out. But I found a Cockatiel in the paper several weeks ago, and was interested in the price.
So I have this bird, that was supposed to be a boy, but apparently had a complex because she finally laid an egg, revealing her true gender identity. She won't talk, since the males are the only ones that do--my Dad found that rather backwards--but we love her anyways.
She interestingly came about at the perfect time for me, and I had a hard time coming up with a suitable, yet uncorny, name for her. I kinda liked the name Darcy, cause it could work male or female, but I wanted it to mean something. I've always found it interesting in the Old Testament how the Israelites tended to name their children depending on where they were in life, what they'd learned, or things they'd gone through. So I looked up words in different languages (leaning towards Italian, naturally) that were key words to where I am and where I'd been lately, spiritually. And I came up with Fidarsi, which in Italian, means trust. :-) The kids have shortened it to Darsi, so it fits now.
A note to whom may be interested--as most of you know, the Lord has put it on my heart to begin a newsletter again, ever since I discontinued The Christian E-Girl Newsletter in '04. After praying about it, and lately feeling the pressing on my heart moreso to share the things He's bringing me through, the Lord has made a way (in more ways than one) to start again. It's called Cameratismo, meaning "fellowship". This time I have so much help, which is a blessing beyond deservant words. It's going to be very open, the mission of just sharing our hearts in hopes to edify and encourage each other in whatever part of life we're coming from! It is free to receive and through mail this time, so if you'd like to be added to the mailing list or would like to share (which is sooo needed and welcome!), just drop me a comment or e-mail me your address! Prayers would be so welcome too. :-)
My dear friend, I need to find some warmth. You may find this backwards, but my brother just proposed ice cream and I find myself happy to follow. :-) There's just some things you do regardless of what contradicts them. Like trust your Shepherd, when where He's leading is the last place you thought to go, and eat ice cream when the last thing you want is to be cold. But you find what you've chosen to do is the sweeter choice than it's "logical" option. :-)
Be blessed, for we're loved by One utterly willing and capable of loving us. :-)
--Jen
I did add a new member to the barnyard, imagine that. However she inhabits the house, imagine that.
So I have always wanted a parrot. Ever since I met one that belonged to a friend of ours, and ever since that sweet thing (mind you, he took to none of the strangers, save for me) plucked a green feather from his supply and placed it on my shoulder, I've been sold to wanting one. I still have that green feather in my jewelry box, by the way. :-) However, the fact that our friends had to finance the bird has somewhat kept me from seeking one out. But I found a Cockatiel in the paper several weeks ago, and was interested in the price.
So I have this bird, that was supposed to be a boy, but apparently had a complex because she finally laid an egg, revealing her true gender identity. She won't talk, since the males are the only ones that do--my Dad found that rather backwards--but we love her anyways.
She interestingly came about at the perfect time for me, and I had a hard time coming up with a suitable, yet uncorny, name for her. I kinda liked the name Darcy, cause it could work male or female, but I wanted it to mean something. I've always found it interesting in the Old Testament how the Israelites tended to name their children depending on where they were in life, what they'd learned, or things they'd gone through. So I looked up words in different languages (leaning towards Italian, naturally) that were key words to where I am and where I'd been lately, spiritually. And I came up with Fidarsi, which in Italian, means trust. :-) The kids have shortened it to Darsi, so it fits now.
A note to whom may be interested--as most of you know, the Lord has put it on my heart to begin a newsletter again, ever since I discontinued The Christian E-Girl Newsletter in '04. After praying about it, and lately feeling the pressing on my heart moreso to share the things He's bringing me through, the Lord has made a way (in more ways than one) to start again. It's called Cameratismo, meaning "fellowship". This time I have so much help, which is a blessing beyond deservant words. It's going to be very open, the mission of just sharing our hearts in hopes to edify and encourage each other in whatever part of life we're coming from! It is free to receive and through mail this time, so if you'd like to be added to the mailing list or would like to share (which is sooo needed and welcome!), just drop me a comment or e-mail me your address! Prayers would be so welcome too. :-)
My dear friend, I need to find some warmth. You may find this backwards, but my brother just proposed ice cream and I find myself happy to follow. :-) There's just some things you do regardless of what contradicts them. Like trust your Shepherd, when where He's leading is the last place you thought to go, and eat ice cream when the last thing you want is to be cold. But you find what you've chosen to do is the sweeter choice than it's "logical" option. :-)
Be blessed, for we're loved by One utterly willing and capable of loving us. :-)
--Jen
Monday, December 17, 2007
Two decades makes for interesting things...
Thank you everyone who has so sweetly wished me blessings today. :-)
Oh, happy birthday to me. *tosses confetti*
I love to cook, and I should've been Italian. :-) That's just what I've gathered with five senses and I'm stickin' to it. Usually if I make crab manicotti just fast and easy, it has merely a vegetable and butter bread to go along with it. But today, December 17, Jen was moody for a feast. So I packed stir-crazy Jaelyn up to go shopping for food! When I got home I baked a birthday cheesecake, and at about 4:45 embarked on suppa. We had the crab manicotti with a butter asparagus vegetable medley, a loaded salad, and artesian bread knots.
Then, of course, the *hallelujah chorus rings* caramel pecan cheesecake.
I won't eat for a couple days. :-) This brought me joy I've not known in a very long time.
20 years...and a few hours. Looking at all the tiniest molecular aspects that have woven my life to this very moment: milestones, people, places, burdens, seasons, blessings, and sufferings. From childhood, to girlhood, to whatever you'd call me now. These monstrous little things that have each been a thread in the tapestry of who I am now, or an aspect of the climax in this story. I look to the heavens and wonder...did the Lord God look down upon this curly-headed little blonde 20 years ago, and "interesting" be my destiny? Interesting, for lack of a better word.
Of your life, He's planning something. Do you grasp that? (I ask because I only just did) Do you, precious of God, look over your life and laugh...wondering what in the world He has in mind? I do. With how confused and blind I've become, I wonder, wonder, wonder. Like a child of dreams: this child knows what shape and form their deepest desires are. And then God gift-wraps their destiny...and it's in a different shape, with a big ol' bow nonetheless. As a child of carnal nature, you can't help but be heartbroken at first. Dear one, cling to the promise that it will be greater than you could ever have dreamed...no matter the outcome of your life. No matter the paths you'll take, the wildernesses you'll cross, the destinies you'll fullfill.
When I'm in my last breaths, how will I see my life as I look over it?
Blessed.
Not because Jen had good things, but because I had terrible things too. Because my Abba was in it with me, and nothing He's placed before me I cannot bear. He will bear it with me.
Paul challenged to take joy in your suffering--it's easy to joy in joyful things. It's faith to joy in things that are less than what we'd desired.
Even still, I don't deserve the seasons He's asked of me. So many have suffered more than I, and still come out singing praises to God. Can't I, whose been carried by Him in the little things I suffer, praise Him with every breath within me? I may never understand what exactly He's doing in the depths of me, but there's no living without Him. Love is worth any fall upon the invisable, as unlogical as it seems.
"...I may never understand the depth of what You've done inside, but I know I won't find any worth apart from You..." --Jeremy Camp
This has been a soapbox/heartbearing session for myself more than anything. :-) But thanks for bearing with me. Praise Him...He Who is in me and with me, and greater than anything in this world. :-)
Oh, happy birthday to me. *tosses confetti*
I love to cook, and I should've been Italian. :-) That's just what I've gathered with five senses and I'm stickin' to it. Usually if I make crab manicotti just fast and easy, it has merely a vegetable and butter bread to go along with it. But today, December 17, Jen was moody for a feast. So I packed stir-crazy Jaelyn up to go shopping for food! When I got home I baked a birthday cheesecake, and at about 4:45 embarked on suppa. We had the crab manicotti with a butter asparagus vegetable medley, a loaded salad, and artesian bread knots.
Then, of course, the *hallelujah chorus rings* caramel pecan cheesecake.
I won't eat for a couple days. :-) This brought me joy I've not known in a very long time.
20 years...and a few hours. Looking at all the tiniest molecular aspects that have woven my life to this very moment: milestones, people, places, burdens, seasons, blessings, and sufferings. From childhood, to girlhood, to whatever you'd call me now. These monstrous little things that have each been a thread in the tapestry of who I am now, or an aspect of the climax in this story. I look to the heavens and wonder...did the Lord God look down upon this curly-headed little blonde 20 years ago, and "interesting" be my destiny? Interesting, for lack of a better word.
Of your life, He's planning something. Do you grasp that? (I ask because I only just did) Do you, precious of God, look over your life and laugh...wondering what in the world He has in mind? I do. With how confused and blind I've become, I wonder, wonder, wonder. Like a child of dreams: this child knows what shape and form their deepest desires are. And then God gift-wraps their destiny...and it's in a different shape, with a big ol' bow nonetheless. As a child of carnal nature, you can't help but be heartbroken at first. Dear one, cling to the promise that it will be greater than you could ever have dreamed...no matter the outcome of your life. No matter the paths you'll take, the wildernesses you'll cross, the destinies you'll fullfill.
When I'm in my last breaths, how will I see my life as I look over it?
Blessed.
Not because Jen had good things, but because I had terrible things too. Because my Abba was in it with me, and nothing He's placed before me I cannot bear. He will bear it with me.
Paul challenged to take joy in your suffering--it's easy to joy in joyful things. It's faith to joy in things that are less than what we'd desired.
Even still, I don't deserve the seasons He's asked of me. So many have suffered more than I, and still come out singing praises to God. Can't I, whose been carried by Him in the little things I suffer, praise Him with every breath within me? I may never understand what exactly He's doing in the depths of me, but there's no living without Him. Love is worth any fall upon the invisable, as unlogical as it seems.
"...I may never understand the depth of what You've done inside, but I know I won't find any worth apart from You..." --Jeremy Camp
This has been a soapbox/heartbearing session for myself more than anything. :-) But thanks for bearing with me. Praise Him...He Who is in me and with me, and greater than anything in this world. :-)
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Crying like a baby on a [Monday] in the snow...
(sounds like a country song)
Look to the east...Jen posted twice in two days??? :-)
So I woke up to a dreary Saturday morning. My Saturdays are typically like Garfield's Mondays, cause it means a long shift on a busy day. It means by the end of it, I'm starving, achy and my feet are akillin' me. Thankfully, I didn't have to be at work until 1, so I had some time to mosy about home.
My morning didn't start good at all. My spirit couldn't find it's resting place, so I shut myself in the quiet. :-) I know it helped, but in seeking joy and strength for the day, I found the longest sob session I've known in my 20 years. I don't remember hiccuping from tears since I was liitttle. That knotty feeling in your chest that builds into your throat before you cry seemed to just linger and linger and linger. I sat on the floor next to my hope chest where my stereo sits and just cried in the quiet, listening to Jeremy Camp's "Give me Jesus" over and over and over again...searching and feeling so wandersome.
Questions made no sense at all. Answers seemed like ash. The dagger in my soul just so happens to be something precious to me...of I pull it out, will I die? Leave it there, will I die?
When it hurts, it feels so good to cry. Wonder what the Lord thought of when He gave us the gift of crying. When the floodgates of all you're keeping from Him break in surrender, there's something so beautiful in the peace that overflows afterwords.
I took my CD with me and listened to it on my way to work...goodness it was cold! The day was all silvery gray, like it looks when it snows only without the snow. :-) It looked so sleepy, so quiet...it was so sweet to have those 30 minutes of driving, while the weather and the music reflected what my spirit needed so much. Simple, beautiful quiet.
The 10-hr shift was good for me...just to have my hands busy, my mind occupied, my worries momentarily cast aside. :-) Screaming kids and picky moms have that kinda effect.
When the day finally came to an end, exhausted and sore, I closed the studio and walked out into something that made me laugh out loud.
Snow.
Lots of it!
Wispy, sparkly, and sticky, and it wasn't stoppin'.
I had to drive 35 mph to get home safely, but there was no where else and no other speed I would've rather been going. It was so pretty...so peaceful. :-) I popped Jeremy Camp right back in and just watched it fall as I drove home in the dark. Nothing like it, I tell you.
"Where is the trust being worked out in my life if I think good things are from God but bad things are some mistake? Trust is believing that He is good in every situation, that He has a plan and reason in every situation, that His love is in every situation." (Andrea hit that on the nose--ylcf.org)
Amen.
Look to the east...Jen posted twice in two days??? :-)
So I woke up to a dreary Saturday morning. My Saturdays are typically like Garfield's Mondays, cause it means a long shift on a busy day. It means by the end of it, I'm starving, achy and my feet are akillin' me. Thankfully, I didn't have to be at work until 1, so I had some time to mosy about home.
My morning didn't start good at all. My spirit couldn't find it's resting place, so I shut myself in the quiet. :-) I know it helped, but in seeking joy and strength for the day, I found the longest sob session I've known in my 20 years. I don't remember hiccuping from tears since I was liitttle. That knotty feeling in your chest that builds into your throat before you cry seemed to just linger and linger and linger. I sat on the floor next to my hope chest where my stereo sits and just cried in the quiet, listening to Jeremy Camp's "Give me Jesus" over and over and over again...searching and feeling so wandersome.
Questions made no sense at all. Answers seemed like ash. The dagger in my soul just so happens to be something precious to me...of I pull it out, will I die? Leave it there, will I die?
When it hurts, it feels so good to cry. Wonder what the Lord thought of when He gave us the gift of crying. When the floodgates of all you're keeping from Him break in surrender, there's something so beautiful in the peace that overflows afterwords.
I took my CD with me and listened to it on my way to work...goodness it was cold! The day was all silvery gray, like it looks when it snows only without the snow. :-) It looked so sleepy, so quiet...it was so sweet to have those 30 minutes of driving, while the weather and the music reflected what my spirit needed so much. Simple, beautiful quiet.
The 10-hr shift was good for me...just to have my hands busy, my mind occupied, my worries momentarily cast aside. :-) Screaming kids and picky moms have that kinda effect.
When the day finally came to an end, exhausted and sore, I closed the studio and walked out into something that made me laugh out loud.
Snow.
Lots of it!
Wispy, sparkly, and sticky, and it wasn't stoppin'.
I had to drive 35 mph to get home safely, but there was no where else and no other speed I would've rather been going. It was so pretty...so peaceful. :-) I popped Jeremy Camp right back in and just watched it fall as I drove home in the dark. Nothing like it, I tell you.
"Where is the trust being worked out in my life if I think good things are from God but bad things are some mistake? Trust is believing that He is good in every situation, that He has a plan and reason in every situation, that His love is in every situation." (Andrea hit that on the nose--ylcf.org)
He is still good. He is still faithful. He is still Immanuel...still with me. No suffering, no heartache, no decision made by man can ever change Him. His promises still ring true, His love still endures forever---and "even when I don't deserve, [He always shows] the fullness of [His] love."
Amen.
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