He Absorbs Me Patiently...

Suggestion Before Reading: Scroll down to playlist and click "Your Love is Extravagant". :-)

I woke up at a quarter 'til 6, before the rays of sunlight peaked over the neighbor's trees to the east. To be honest, the norm for me has been to simply lay there. Awake. But with no zeal whatsoever to get up until I absolutely have to. No gumption to rise to pray, begin the day in His Word (His voice, His breathing life), seek solitude. But this morning I put my feet to the floor, with a desperate searching to fill this emptiness that the past week has permiated of.
There's a different stillness in the early morning that demands reflection. It demands contemplation. When I went out this morning, the sun was orange against the blue/gray sky, and not quite warm enough to knock the chill out of the air. But it was clear and cool, and immersed in a stillness that cannot be found anywhere but in the early morning...and in His Presence.

I'm tired of passing excuse of my emptiness, present affliction, daily battles on anything other than myself. Of course, I leave room for reasons for battles I cannot understand...but sometimes it just comes down to my veering eyes. Veering and wandering eyes do not mean that I bow and scrape to an idol of gold, nor offer myself up for worldy practices. It means I've lost focus on what is precious to me, and Who I'm precious to. Therefore I stumble, and then cry out the "whys" of why I'm in this spiritual/emotional mess.

He absorbs me patiently.
He is strong enough to bear my "whys", and so wonderful enough to hold me through them.
Oh my God...this Love. How can it be?
Your fragrance is intoxicating in this secret place, and I forget why I veer.
Spread wide in the Arms of Christ, is a Love that covers sin.
He's captured my heart again. Something He's good at when we bring our eyes into focus.

I become aware of my bitter affliciton,
I become intricately aware and subject to it,
And my soul is broken within me.
Yet this I demand myself to remember,
And it brings me hope:
Because I am loved by the Almighty God, I am not consumed in this,
Because His compassions and love are patient.
Every morning, they are renewed for me...
Great, oh great, is His faithfulness!
I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion (He is enough for me),
Therefore I wait for Him."
---Lamentations 3:19-41, in my own words