To be like Christ.

To displace self from the inner throne, and to enthrone Him;

To make not the slightest compromise with the smallest sin.

We aim at nothing less than to walk with God all day long,

To abide every hour in Christ and He and His words in us,

To love God with all the heart and our neighbor as ourselves.

It is possible to cast every care on Him daily, and to be at peace amidst pressure,

To see the will of God in everything

To put away all bitterness and clamor and evil speaking--daily and hourly.

It is possible by unreserved resort to divine power under divine conditions

To become strongest through and through at our weakest point.

---Bishop Handley Moule

Pruned by Jeremiah...

I've been making my way through Jeremiah, and wrote out this prayer after feeling very pruned by the Sword...

My God, I return to you.
There is no God like you, who is mighty in everything You put Your hands to. Whose delight is in kindness, justice, righteousness, obedience and humility. You, the Maker of heaven and earth...You desire my whole heart. My circumcised heart.
Let me not become worthless.
Nor dig my cisterns of self-sufficiency.
I do not wish to return to You in mere pretense.
Please put Your fear in me, that I may always tremble in awe of You.
Circumcise me.

My gods are worthless, and so I become worthless.

My attempts of anything good are worthless without You.

I do not have wisdom, strength, riches, or anything to boast about. I am naked and unguarded. My foolishness and selfishness are exposed. My God, clothe me in the the boast of knowing You. Just knowing and understanding You. Cover me in Your wisdom, strength and riches.
I desire You, and every other pursuit falls to the ground in emptyness.
I desire you, Abba.
I desire you in truth.

The treasure in a year...

Days sit like grains of sand
Nights fall like drops of rain
My eyes see such miniscule meaning
So little are their effect on my life.

But His eyes see something greater
See the sand on the shore?
Each grain makes up the body
Each day makes up my destiny.

His hands mold something more beautiful
See the ocean made up of those nights?
Whether with tears, or with prayers, or with dreams
With all of them, God works at His best.

One year has passed
And I don't see grains or drops
I see treasures I don't deserve
And ground taken by Grace alone.

<><><><>
Yesterday marked an anniversary for me.
An anniversary of learning to trust, though I can't say I've accomplished anything--I'm glad for the baby steps.
What a year's time holds in the plans of God are so amazing, even though the little grains and drops be painful or small or misunderstood. The grand picture He's working on is so much bigger than me. What I could scheme or plan would be so meaningless and so empty--it's HE who makes this life so full of good things. Why would I wish any other Author over this breath of life I don't deserve?
"You search me and know me...you know..." (Psalm 139)
"Be still and know I am God..."

Making me...

"We have a beautiful synonym for 'baptize' in English, found in no other language, the verb 'christen'. It is made up of the noun Christ and the greek suffix en, meaning 'to make'. When you whiten a wall, you make it white. When you brighten a room, you make it bright. When God christens a person, God makes him Christ. Christ lives in us and our sufferings are His passion continuing in the world."

--Lion & Lamb, Brennan Manning

From this traincar of life...

I once asked a banana bread of a friend to define the Christian journey in a sentence, and she analyzed it, as only she can, as a train. You're going from one car to the next; the valley, the mountain, the shadow, the sunshine...it's always a progression of yet another season.
These are simply some floating thoughts I penned the other day in the quiet under a tree, after reading some convicting thoughts from Brennan Manning, and based on the traincar I'd found myself on about a month ago. Because I'm single, I'd made particular single thoughts, but they're just from a young woman's heart--you may relate with your present traincar. :-)

I look around this world I live in. I feel so sorry for it.
I wish I could dig your tunnels--for there is greater depth in the things of this life.
I pity you, world. But with a good pity. Whole-heartedly, I wish so much more for you!

There are so many expectations from the world for a woman of my age and status. Single. Stagnant. With so much potiential, just no smarts to desire it. I don't get irritated. I choose to smile now, as I didn't before. A woman of any status or season doesn't find her validity in persons or prosperity or abilities. My validity is found in Jesus Christ. One who carried the example of real, valid and abundant life: A Cross.

I, as a carnal creature, forget what discipleship, baptism, "dying-to-self", and "crucified with Christ" means in vivid reality. So I'm easily hurt and confused when people don't see me, when others don't have favorable opinions of me, when I can't do something "well", or I can't find acceptence, or satisfaction of myself.
Discipleship means training. It means I mimick, until it's second nature, my Savior's example.
Baptism means I have died to the flesh. I no longer desire validity from man, from others, or from my own "can do's". I die with Jesus and I'm raised with Jesus. Sharing in suffering. Sharing in glory. No longer is it about what I get out of this vapor of life--it's about Him. About where HE is, what He desires, and everything else fades to darkness.
My Father doesn't love me for the good I can do; He loves me because He is good.

In this I cling to and rest.
I am who You're making me to be.
We wait patiently on your Potter's wheel.

July 25, 2008

News at Midnight...why?

Lord, there's got to be another way.
Why is it that I'm always inspired to clack at ridiculously late hours, when I'm half awake and incoherent? I wonder if it's the Spirit, giving me coherent thoughts when my body is incoherant...therefore out of the way? Tonight, the computer was off, but I figured it was now or not until yet another midnight musing session. So back on the computer came, and here I am to visit with you on this late Saturday night. Though I'm sure at this very moment, you're on billowing pillows and under warm blankets, and won't read this post until Monday...*yawn* here I am.

MEXICO UPDATE:
At the end of June, before my OK/NM trip, I talked to our family friend, Kurt, who funds these particular trips to Mexico. His foundation not only funds the trips and supports the missionary family in Mexico, but they also provide scholarships for people who wish to go. On our call, he simply let me know of some details--about the family we'd be staying with, what I'd need, how much it would cost, what the trip would entail and require of me, etc. At this point, he told me that he wasn't sure what funds were available, and the 5-day trip could ultimately cost $800-$1200. The project is called Suenos Dulces, which is "Sweet Dreams" in English. They will be going to a children's boarding school (a place where children--whose parents were unable to care for them--live, school, etc), and will be supplying mattresses for every child there (their current mattresses are old, have springs/insides exposed, or daylight is seen through them). They will also be doing some street worship/evangelizing and Church/work projects. At the end of our call, I was very excited even though I'd had no final direction that this was for sure. He told me to follow up with him once I got back from my trip. When I did, I was blessed to find that playing guitar and singing may be a wonderful asset; not only was I thrilled to know that there could be something I could offer from myself, but also I've been blessed with an Uncle who is teaching me Spanish worship songs.
Once I got back from LeAnna's and Jen's, after much prayer and questioning, I followed up with Kurt to get more details and maybe a final decision/direction. He'd invited me to a family cookout where I would meet all the people affiliated with the trips, people were definite with this trip, and also the missionary family we'd be staying with. Before we ended the call, he'd asked me if I needed any help with the cost of the trip. I honestly shared that any help would be appreciated, but if I was meant to go, the Lord would provide the means. Then he shared that they had already discussed it and had decided to fund the whole trip for me. Needless to say I hung up the phone in tears, and no longer question anything about it. Even if this still isn't meant to be right now, it's too amazing how the Almighty works--mysterious, unknown, completely unseen...but nothing is ever out of His control, nor is He idle on the sidelines. :-)

That's all I have the capacity to share right now, but will be better at keeping up to date.
And the world holds it's breath. :-)

Another blessing in the craziness has been S.W.A.T. (Spiritual Weapons And Tactics, Ephesians 6), the youth Bible study I've been helping lead. This has been an answer to prayer like none I'd thought, or continued to dream possible. Last Wednesday, we had 18 people in the little room we're already outgrowing, and we have such awesome people/kids in our group! There have been challenges within myself already; things that have stretched me out of my comfortable place, and caused me to reach for HIS wisdom and HIS strength. But only the Lord knows--and here I continue to strive simply to keep "eyes on Him", trusting He truly knows what He's doing.

There are alot of things I wish I could keep sharing just on a musing level, but I'm about to leave coherency. Physical, spiritual and all of the above.
Love and prayers for your whole Sunday--let it be not only the Sabbath routine, but the Sabbath of your heart. That you be washed by the water of the Word, and in the rest of His Presence; not the goosebumps you feel, or the yahoos in the spiritual. Just the TRUTH that He who is ever-present IS ever-present. With a mighty hand and outstretched arm, His love and faithfulness endures forever.

Long week. Still no entry.

My brain is really, really tired. And probably not of the blogging capacity at this very moment. But last night, after such a refreshing chat with my LeAnna, when I was actually inspired, all the computers were off...and the clacking would have aroused the slumbering household. :( Oh well. I'm doomed to be outletlessly inspired, and otherwise writer's blocked.
So, instead of trying to post about all I've been meaning to post about, I'll save it yet again for an evening that I can communicate it sufficiently. :-)

Thank you for our chat, Banana--I read James afterwards, and was blessed my confirmation of our conversation. About worldly wisdom, and the peace, compassionate, right-hearted wisdom that comes from Jesus Christ!

I miss my Anna. She should be back home now--can't wait to hear from you dear!

Jen dear, I'm so sorry I didn't have a blog post for you today. LOL--I'm gonna hear it on Monday, ay? Hope you had a lovely weekend and can smile BECAUSE it's Monday today. :hug:

I miss my HSA traveling ladies and prayer partners--still praying for you all, thinking about you, and hope you're having a wonderfully refreshing weekend! Carm and I kept each other company this past Tuesday. :hug:

RanchWife and Family--praying for you all as you make your way back home with your Sara!

I've had such a looong past two weeks--it's been so blurry, but good even still. The Lord is still on the Throne, no matter the hectic schedule we try to manage, the personalities we come up against, and the things we're called to be good stewards over. :-) This week, we had 20 people at youth group, I went to see the Mummy III with friends, and got the cheapest tan I know: the lawn mower. Only, I'm toast. Like, Mexican-bull-fighting-flag toast. Day 3, and I can still barely stand garments. But there's no getting around things like that--just big aloe vera and little movement. :-)

Hugs and prayers to all--I'll definitely devote everything to a post at the beginning of next week.
--Jen